I’ve been on testosterone (40.5 mg topical gel daily) for 17 days now. In the grand tradition of overenthusiastic transmascs everywhere, here’s my extremely premature update on how that’s going.

When my endocrinologist prescribed me my T, he told me that I could expect the first effect to be general improvements to my self-image and comfort with my body. “Sure,” I thought, “placebo effect first, whatever.” Well, it turns out it’s a hell of a placebo effect and I would like more of it. Instead of looking in the mirror and thinking is that even human?, I look in the mirror and think that’s on its way to looking right! It’s easier for me to be naked all of a sudden. As a bonus, Betrothed has commented on how much more comfortable I seem in my body and how attractive it is, which should be a nice bonus when the libido effects kick in.

The second effect I noticed, within a couple of days, was mood swings and uncontrollable crying. I spent a while frantically googling “why does testosterone make me cry all the time”, reading r/ftm posts, and worrying about whether my testosterone was aromatizing, before concluding that probably my friends were right and this was a normal side effect of major hormonal and life changes.

Effect number three has been changes to my body odor, which Betrothed identifies as “less musky, more acidic”. It’s very weird to suddenly not smell like myself to myself.

Finally, I’ve had some mild appetite effects for number four. I’m not particularly wanting more food, yet, but when I am hungry I’m more urgently hungry. It’s a very precise and weird sensation: not hungrier particularly, just with the acute feeling that I can wait no more than two (2) seconds to put food in my mouth.

(Betrothed also notes that I’ve been less easily frustrated since I started T. I suspect I’m just happy.)

I’m liking the gel so far; putting it on every morning is my favorite sixty seconds of the day. I don’t have to worry too much about accidentally sharing it through skin contact, since Betrothed is also transmasc and has historically used small amounts of topical T anyway, and (given quarantine) they’re the only person I’m coming into contact with. I’m very much hoping I show good absorption from it at my 1-month blood test; having to switch to shots would be deeply unpleasant.

I’ve come out to my family, since they can now find out any time they happen to look at the insurance reports. My parents have probably gotten my letter by now, but I haven’t heard a response from them yet. I don’t particularly expect one; I suspect they’ll just be avoidant about it. I told my newly-adult sister over Discord, who responded with characteristic chill:

Ok. Thanks for telling me now, definitely better than hearing from Mom.

The kid’s not wrong. Mom is gonna flip her shit.